Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think I just shit out all my problems.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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