took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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