I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I AM VODKA MAN
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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