All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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