Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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