I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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