As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
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his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
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i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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