i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
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I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
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So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.