I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.