I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
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he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
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It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l