Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
