Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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