apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm passing your future prison.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
