biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
