My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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