I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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