shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
