she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
