so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
