In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
