I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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