There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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