I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
