I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
