My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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