chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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