Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
