Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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