Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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