In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
