so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
