maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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