were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
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I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
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I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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