After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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