i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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