So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
