I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
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The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
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my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
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