Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
