Small penises have feelings too.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
