There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
