i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Green mimosas i think yes
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
