So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
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The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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