I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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