like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
