oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
