some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I love you. Go after that dick
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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