Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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