Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
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Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
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That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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