Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
well you can't waste a boner
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
