We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
