If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
be right there i have to get my cape
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
