new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
