I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
