ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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