Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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