dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize