I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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