hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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