ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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