your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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